Loading up a used condom with a couple firecrackers, lighting them and throwing it at your unsuspecting partner.
Fucking a girl who’s had an abortion within the last week.
Shave your balls, chode and pubic area and set the clippings aside on a sheet of paper before a girl gives you head. Release your load all over her face and pick up the piece of paper and blow the hair into her face. The result will produce a nice patchy beard similar to our 16th President. You may also choose to grab the nearest Derringer and blow her head off and call this a John Wilkes Booth if you’re that fucking nuts.
A magic act performed on Saturday night where fast food vanishes down the performer’s throat and then shortly afterwards suddenly re-appears on the taxi floor of some middle eastern, part-time terrorist Abdul looking motherfucker.
Access Denied Error
When you and your pal are double-teaming a chick – he’s got her from behind and you’ve got her mouth. Selfishly, he drops his load in her, thus preventing you from using that input later. (Also known as Blocking The Box or Road Closed Due To Bad Conditions.)
Another name for the surgery that changes a woman into a man. (Pronounced like “add-a-dick-to-me”, just in case you’re an idiot and don’t get it right away.)
After School Special
Something your sister gives you before your parents get home from work.
The feeling of total satisfaction experienced after an orgasm. Typically, lasts longer for women than for men.
While fucking your girl doggie style, you suddenly pull out for no apparent reason. When she turns around for an explanation, she notices you’ve jumped off the bed on to a skateboard, holding the mighty dildo-harpoon in hand, cocked and ready to spear her in the ass. You pursue her as she runs out of the house and down the street while yelling, “You’re not getting away from me this time, White Whale!”
While receiving road head, you pretend you’ve been in an accident and quickly adjust the steering wheel to clamp down on the bitch’s neck, then you hit the brakes, forcing her to take that entire dick down her throat. The air bag comes out when she gags and regurgitates all over your lap. Take your seat belt off, jerk off in her face to show her you’re glad she survived the accident, and call 911.
A blonde who has bleached/dyed her hair, but still has a black box.
This activity is recommended for every married scum out there who’s trying to do the right thing. While out with the boys, you realize that meat melons surround you. To keep your mind off the screaming beaver, go up to hottest hole in your grasp and begin to entertain her with your sharp wit. Classic one liners like “say you’re a toilet” and “put it in your mouth” or the always popular “show me your bush” should quickly win her over. The result is consistently a hearty kick to the nuts. When you finally untangle her foot from your intestine, thank her for saving your lousy marriage.
Taking a shit and shooting a load in someone’s mouth. Not to be confused with a blumpy/blumpkin.
While screwing some foreign bag with no useful English knowledge (works well with most Eastern Europeans broads), lean over and whisper in her ear in the most seductive and romantic way possible: “You’ve got the stinkiest cunt ever!” and see if she notices. This one comes from personal experience and worked very well actually. The bitch actually started getting more into it!
The ability to masturbate with either hand.
When you take a pitcher of beer, everyone spits in it, someone stirs it with their cock and then the mixture is poured through the crack of one man’s ass into the waiting mouth of the loser of a bet or drinking game.
A drinking ritual practiced at frats and camps. It involves three participants. The bender bends over while the pourer pours liquid down the bender’s back, through the bender’s buttocks in to the mouth of the chugger who is waiting below.
While receiving road head, swerve the car left and right. Her shifting weight should enhance the sensation. It’s a risky maneuver, so it’s best attempted with a toothless cocksucker and a open road.
Immediately after you blow your load in a girl’s mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up, she’ll look like an angry dragon.
After you bring your dwarf lover to climax, you pick him/her up and chuck him/her against the nearest wall. Hence the term: Angry Munchkin.
Wide, flat, flapjack titties that come to a sharp point at the nipples.
After eating 6 burritos and drinking a quart of buttermilk, hold back the diarrhea until your legs start to shake, then hold your trembling anus over your girl’s face and make her count down until blast-off.
The term for watching the stomach of a bloated drowning victim rise and fall as you’re fucking them.
A “seldom-seen” maneuver when you put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head. (Picture it: ass on forehead.) It may be anatomically impossible, but what the fuck else is new. (Also known as The Roman Helmet or Ray-Bans.)
Arkansas State Fair
While uncontrollably intoxicated, you pass out mid-stride while fucking. Then, in the morning, you wake up to find your girl left a nice steamy shit surprise sitting on your chest, with the girl nowhere to be found. I hear girls are known for this down south.
Around The World
The act of kissing the entire body as a prelude to sex.
A group of men who make it their goal in life to steal the anal virginity of little boys.
Another term for a bad case of the crabs.
On Ash Wednesday, anal-fuck your partner into oblivion. Just before you let loose your goo, pull out, spin her around and let it loose in her eyes. Then, wipe your shit-covered dick across her forehead in the sign of the cross. The result is an observant trollop, blinded by your religious experience. Bless you my child.
Assess The Situation
When you can’t tell if you have to shit or fart, so you push it out half way and “assess the situation.”
A congratulatory blow job.
When some ditz who’s been doing everything short of pulling down your pants and jumping on your cock casually mentions her “boyfriend” right after you make your move. Hence, she actually sees your blitz coming and decides to change her play at the line of scrimmage. Either way, she doesn’t let you go for the sack that easy.
A synonym for an aging homosexual male.
Similar to a French kiss, but given down under.
Australian Death Grip
The act of grabbing a woman by the haunches/crotch and staring deeply into her eyes until you’re slapped or kissed. A recommended tactic for very crowded bars and a great opportunity for wagering among friends too.
The act of depriving yourself of oxygen while masturbating through hanging or strangulation in order to increase sexual stimulation or the intensity of an orgasm.
Giving yourself a blowjob. Requires great flexibility.
Achieved by fucking someone’s armpit.
A dick in the stink, six fingers in the pink, and three fingers in your own ass. Although it’s never known to have been performed, hopefully it will catch on. It’s called the Aztec because it came to a friend in a drug induced cracked out prophetic haze.
Involves the Babe’s trademark move of calling your shot. Stand facing your semen receptacle while she’s on her knees. As she pulls your pants off, fling some pre-cum onto any desired location (forehead, eye, tits). After you get your tube steak mouthafied and you’re ready to blast out the back of her skull, pull it out of her mouth and blow your baby-batter right where you called it.
A synonym for an extremely large penis.
When you and your buddies put a funnel into a girl’s cha-cha and everyone proceeds to jerk off in the funnel. After the baby is born, you each get a paternity test and discover which daddy wins the baby lottery.
Back Alley Abortion
The act of viciously butt-slamming your pregnant girlfriend to the point of miscarriage. Great for getting rid of that unwanted child that your stubborn girlfriend insists on having. Also much more reliable and less punishable by the authorities than pushing her down a couple flights of stairs.
Back End Of The Batmobile
The state of your brown eye soon after you eat a really hot, spicy dish. “I had a Ring Stinger in the Benghazi restaurant last night and now I’ve got a dose of Gandhi’s Revenge. My ass feels like the back end of the Batmobile!”
Backpacking Through Europe
Unshowered for five days, you bang unsuspecting foreign chicks to truly sample the culture. Get knob-jobs whenever situation permits, thus allowing for a genuine “taste” of the western world.
After some inexperienced bitch is done giving you head, she refuses to stop, thus giving you a “Bad Tickle.” A swift knee to the side of her head may very well relieve this unwanted sensation.
Badly Packed Kebab
Another vulgar yet still excellent term for a well-worked female genitalia.
While receiving a blow job, the girl puts her left hand under one testicle from the front, wraps her right arm around your upper thigh putting her hand through your legs and finally placing her hand under your other testicle. Now that she is in the position to play, and the dick piece is firmly set in her mouth, she proceeds to juggle both your balls and rub your choda as she sucks you off. I know there’s a lot going on here, that’s why it kinda like playing the bag pipes.
Bait N’ Tackle
The sailors used this one in the old Navy days. Before you go off for a long, lonely voyage, get yourself a tall jar and fill it completely with earthworms. When you get lonely, open the jar and fuck away. The earthworms will provide some slithery stimulation, and your protein load will keep them nicely fed. Gone fishing!
While baking with your girl in the kitchen, you both get a turned on and decide to get a little kinky. You start by giving it to her from behind. Then, you pull out, dip your dick in some yeast and flour, and stick it back in her oven. After you nut, the sugary goo, coupled with the warmth of her pussy and yeast, should produce nice fresh loaves of bread in about 1-2 hours.
A synonym for a really tight asshole.
Takes some luck of the gene pool, but if you’re able to do it, always great fun. While you are straddling her, take your nutsack and spread it out over her face like pizza dough. A variation is when you stretch your balls over the face of someone sleeping or passed out. Be sure to take a picture and post it on the Internet!
When a girl is sucking on your dick so hard, your balls start to sway back and forth in a controlled fashion. Not for amateurs!
Barbershop Masturbation Tunnel
First, get two big mirrors and face them at each other to get the barbershop mirror effect. Then, stand between them and beat off in the endless tunnel of naked you.
The hideous old hair-spray hag who seems to live at your local watering hole. She usually smokes endlessly, spends hundreds of dollars a night on video-poker, and makes sexually threatening comments to frightened college freshmen.
The bulge made by male sex organs in jeans, briefs and trunks.
Observing the male genitalia through clothing.
Go home and furiously masturbate while thinking about a girl who does not like you (a girl who may feel violated by your lusty thoughts and desires). It becomes Bate-Rape when you inform her about your previous night’s masturbatory session.
Battle For Helm’s Deep
A variation of the Float Valve where one guy’s back is resting against the side of the bed and he is upside down (ass in the air). The other guy stands above him, facing towards the bed. Once they are in position, they attempt to fuck the other’s ass at the same time. Sort of like 69’ing, but the battle between helmets and balls makes the act more competitive than fun.
Saving a load for at least two weeks and then blowing it three feet into the air to the surprise of both you and your lover as you realize that you’ve just cum in your own mouth.
BDS (Ball-Drop Syndrome)
Occurs after smoking too much weed where during sex, the balls hit the clitoris.
Beef Apple Toe
Catching just the right angle where you can see the apple of her ass and the beef of her toe. Kind of like a meat apple blossom of camel toe. A favorite of porn photographers.
A synonym for extremely large pussy lips. (Also known as Camel Toe.)
The shanked out remains of the labia after being stretched like Play-Doh from an hour or so of jimmy-jam. (Also known as Beef Drapes, Meat Tarp, Piss Flappers, Quim Nuts, Mud Flaps, Vertical Bacon Sandwich or Badly Packed Kebab.)
This is what most guys get after a good night of drinking. They tend to fuck anything with a pussy when wearing their Beer Goggles. (Also known as Beer Dick.)
Insert your thumb into the snatch and forefinger into the poopchute and try your dandiest to make them touch each other.
When you’re jerking off but you have over-lubed yourself, take a sock and wrap it around your cock for better grip.
Position a girl on her back with her head upside down, hanging over the edge of the bed. Proceed to stick your dick in her open mouth, then lick both of your hands and slap her belly as hard as you can. The gasp will pull your dick right in and completely down her throat.
The ability to juggle, caress or knead one’s balls in one hand.
Beverly Hills Whiffer
This move is restricted to those women who think they’re God’s gift to the world. Find a woman of the above description. Take her home and start doggie styling her. When you’re about to blow, dig two fingers deep into her ass, scraping as much shit as you can from her. Pull out your fingers, reach around her head to stick one finger in each nostril. Pull her head back so she can see you while you yell “So, you think your shit don’t stink now?!”.
Big Rack Attack
A compulsion experienced by men in monogamous relationships with chicks with munchkin tits. The man’s need to fuck/suck massive mammaries is neglected, and the hunger for huge jugs distorts men’s judgment, resulting in cheating with ANYTHING with big cans (i.e. fat chicks, ugly bitches, pre-op transsexuals with implants, etc.).
After receiving fellatio, promptly punch your partner in the nose. Named after the German chancellor Otto Von Bismarck who was famous for his rule with an “Iron Fist”. (Also known as Jelly Donut.)
You meet some slut and tell her that giving you head is good luck, like kissing the Blarney Stone. After she agrees and starts knobbin, you tell her “Oh baby, it’s too much, you’re the best!”. The moment she pulls off, you smash her in the face with a brick exclaiming, “good luck finding a man now with your fucked up face, you Lucky Charms bitch!”
A synonym for an uncircumcised penis.
The 4th or 5th spooge of the day. There’s very little liquid and it’s a thick, gray wad that barely shoots a foot or two. It also sticks like crazy glue.
When your bitch is horny only when Aunt Flow comes to town.
Blumpy (or Blumpkin)
You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.
A variation of the Blumpy where you also piss (pee) in her mouth while she is sucking you off while you are on the shitter.
Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch. Pretty much self-explanatory here.
A flurry of upper-cuts to the mid-section while hitting it from behind.
Someone who vehemently refuses to engage in anal sex but absolutely loves catching head from every dude in the penitentiary.
Bold N’ Beautiful Soul Glow Sheen
After manually stimulating a girl, dispose of her protein and vitamin enriched fluids by wiping your hand all over her hair, giving her that healthy, “relaxed” look.
Bone Of Contention
A hard-on that causes an argument (e.g. one that arises while watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with your wife/girlfriend).
When trying to fuck that ‘extra tight’ Sheila, your man noodle makes it no further than her virgin love mound and simply bends to the side like a Hamburger Helpers treat. Quite painful for both you and your disparaged mate, but a great meal idea.
Any word, deed, object or person that will deflate a hard cock in 1 second flat (e.g. the sight of your grandma naked is the original bone-melter).
A man charitable enough to give a needy soul the gift of wood. Can be used to refer to a guy who gives sympathy screws to women who would otherwise get none.
When a chick’s stomach sticks out further than her boobies do.
After spewing your mighty load into a bitch’s mouth, she pretends to eat your asshole, but instead spits the jizz up your ass.
After eating 6 bean burritos, head into the bathroom with a porno and start whacking at a medium pace. As monster steel-clad loaves scrape your prostate and tear your sphincter, concentrate on the whacking and make yourself cum mid-plop. Repeat every day for 4 weeks as part of boot camp. By the end, you’ll be conditioned enough to take it in the ass as well as any flamer out there.
Any form of oral stimulation in which you cleverly conceal ice cubes in your mouth to surprise your partner.
Pick up the sloppiest drunk slut you can find at the local bar or frat house and go back to her place. Once she passes out after a little of the old in-out, drop a hefty shit on her exposed chest and walk out.
Boston Tea Party
While a chick is tea bagging your nuts, let loose a steady stream of piss over her head and down the small of her back. Aptly named for getting rid of that taxing feeling before you stick her.
Jizz in a girl’s beer then let her drink it without knowing about the special treat.
Boulder Arc Weld
While a chick is either asleep or unconscious, weld her eyelids shut with dick sauce. When she wakes up, the semen will be dry and she won’t be able to open her eyes.
When you insert your middle and ring fingers in the woman’s vagina and your thumb in her anus, like the way a bowler hold a ball. For added fun, try to pick her up and bowl her across the room.
Being in the presence of a couple females going at it. In the spirit of voyeurism, you participate visually but not physically.
Breakfast In Bed
After a long night of heavy drinking and partying, you make a stop on the way home at the local greasy spoon or burrito joint. Upon finishing your cheap, unsanitary meal, you manage to find your way home, only to pass out (usually clothed) in bed. In the morning, you awake to the scrumptious, regurgitated smell of whatever you ate, only to find yourself laying in the partially digested, chunk-filled vomit. This can also be served for two if you happen to have a companion in bed with you, but I strongly suggest a hefty meal (i.e. double cheeseburger w/extra grilled onions).
The vague hint of excrement you may get while performing cunnilingus.
The surface tension ripples on a t-shirt caused when a well-breasted female squeezes her guns into a pleasurably smaller t-shirt than her mother would allow. Used in a sentence: “As Victoria slithered by, I couldn’t help my eyes being drawn to the bripple, oscillating rapidly due to the incredible forces generated by her engorged mammalian protuberances. Ah, the sweet bripple!”
A variation of the ever-popular pearl necklace. It’s that time of the month again, and your slob has asked you once again to buy her something. If jewelry is what she wants, then jewelry is what she’ll get. Take the little monkey upstairs and force her to chug your turkey baster. After about ten minutes of fucking that hole in her face, pull it out and begin spanking all over her upper chest. Before you finish, take out the real thing from her jewelry box and choke her with it. As she turns blue, take her empty purse and stuff it up her hairy patch. From then on, she’ll immediately appreciate the t-shirt you got her last Christmas.
Back to reality with this classic. You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another girls name. This gives you the feeling of riding a wild bronco as she desperately tries to buck you off.
A young boy who is difficult to restrain during intercourse.
With a skank lying flat on her back on the floor, one guy picks her up by her wrists and the other guy picks her up by her ankles. Then, the guy holding her wrists proceeds to fuck her mouth while the guy holding her ankles fucks her pussy. The end result is a tag team while she is suspended like a bridge.
Brown Bagging It
Sometimes you meet a girl with a body like there’s no tomorrow but a face like a mangy dog. Don’t let that body go to waste and let her hideousness stop you from fucking her though. Just draw the smiley face on a brown paper bag, place it over her head, and fuck away while keeping your composure and piece of mind.
You’re about halfway through ass-wrecking a chick, and instead of filling up her keister with your demonseed, you pull out and proceed to tittie fuck her, leaving a brown streak between the funbags.
The passive partner during anal intercourse.
A synonym for an erect nipple, hence, a “hard Nip”.
When a man puts his face between a woman’s breasts and quickly moves his head back and forth while saying “Brrrrunski” in a very drawn out and exaggerated manner. (There are many other variant names.)
A booth in an adult video store which allows viewing and/or interaction with a person in the next booth.
While mooning someone, reach down and push your balls back so that they get a full view of both anus and sack. Works best when accompanied by a loud barking sound.
The sign given to a friend in hiding while doggie styling’ some chick. It is performed by placing both hands over the head, with palms facing out and waving wildly. Can be supplemented by shouting “Hey Rocky.” (Make sure to use appropriate Bullwinkle voice tone.)
The dominant partner during anal intercourse.
Pinching out fractionated portions of farts while walking someplace with your date.
Accomplished by hollowing out a cube of butter, filling it with cocaine, and inserting it into anus. The combination provides a potent lubricant/anesthetic for some smooth ass mastering. Finally, both partners can enjoy all the happiness of butt sex with none of the drawbacks.
When you see a chick with an awesome body, “but her face” is nasty.
The act of taking someone’s personal belonging, preferably a personal hygiene utensil, food item or prize possession and rubbing your stinky, damp, sweaty ass-crack and shit hole all over it. I would suggest running around the block or holding off wiping your ass for a few days before butting the item. These precautions will generate enough ass candy to give the item that special taste/scent.
Keeping yourself, for whatever reason, from getting any action for a long period of time.
Cajun Dip Stick
The act in which the cock is taken out of her pooper and slathered in the pool of dip spit in the small of her back and then re-inserted. (Also known as Cajun Log or Cajun Hot Stick.)
While ramming a girl from the behind, pull out and insert a large, juicy Copenhagen dip in the tip of her asshole and then ram in it as deep as your Johnson permits. Usually, the receiver will walk funny for a week or two.
If you’re uncircumcised and pump someone up the ass, these are what you’ll find under your foreskin afterwards.
When she’s lying on her stomach with you giving it to her from behind, you decide to emulate the Iron Sheik through his signature move, grabbing her underneath the chin and pulling straight back with both hands.
While doing a chick from behind, grab onto her bangs and pull back as if you were opening a can of tuna. (Please Note: This only works if the girl has bangs, circa 1992 style bangs with extra hair spray should suffice nicely.)
Liberally apply peanut butter to your dick and call over the family dog. (Lick Ubu lick. Good Dog. Arf!)
For use eith anal sex only. After the man has finished his business, there is always the unpleasant task of pulling out of the rear of the recipient only to find residue left on your member. To alleviate this problem, simply use a “karate-style” chop to the recipient’s kidneys, while at the same time pulling out. The chop to the kidney’s will result in the sphincter becoming a “squeegee”, which will wipe the member clean of any residue when pulling out.
While banging a girl doggy style, tie her arms behind her back, lift up her hips, and run around the room pushing her face first across the carpet. Not recommended with large women.
When you blow your load into a girl’s mouth and proceed to kick her teeth in, making her mouth look like a cave.
Busting your load in a girl’s ear while she sucks on your balls.
Chairway To Heaven
When four gay dudes flip a bar stool over, violate themselves with the legs, and finally circle jerk each other off. This is standard procedure at Club Manhole every weekend.
Change Your Luck
To engage in a gay sex act for the first time.
Banging some loser who you have absolutely no interest in whatsoever, purely out of pity for their pathetic existence.
A synonym for a cocksucking teen with braces.
A penis that is wider than it is long. (Also known as Chubba.)
Another synonym for extremely large pussy lips.
The itch you get when you don’t wipe your ass completely, thus leaving you to peck at your ass like a chicken all day.
Chicken Lou Mein
Fucking an Asian girl and then getting made fun of for doing it for the rest of your life.
When you take a hot dump on a girl’s tits and then proceed to titty fuck her.
Chipping For Par
When a girl’s pussy is so hairy, you know you won’t find the hole on the first try.
Squeezing some chocolate syrup on some broad’s snatch and then eating her out.
Another way to refer to anal sex. As used in a sentence: “John and George danced the chocolate cha-cha all night.” (Also known as Driving The Hershey Highway, Riding The Dirt Trail, Utilizing The Third Input or Poking The Brown Eye.)
Happily discovering hemorrhoids while eating a shitty brown eye.
A gay pastime in which a man fucks his partner between his legs and against the choda.
When getting head from a chick and your whale’s ready to clear out his blow hole, let a rip right into her mouth. Then, (this is the tough part) casually slip your dick out and expedite your balls into her mouth without her noticing. Out of sheer surprise and disbelief, she will flail her lips around madly slopping up your meaty nuggets with the admiral’s surprise. Now, point at her with ridicule and chant “CHOWDER HEAD, CHOWDER HEAD, CHOWDER HEAD!” You get bonus points if it’s done in a Red Lobster parking lot.
Christmas Turkey Carver
The act of sitting carefully behind your prone partner, inserting three fingers in her vagina and one in her ass, and voraciously pumping your digits in and out, maintaining a perfect L-bend at the elbow, and using only your rotator cuff as a power pivot.
While your girl is lying on the bed with her legs spread, grab her ankles and drag her towards you (just like the little red wagon you had as a kid) until her box is parked around your cock.
Beer Goggles for the young drinker.
Press the twins to one side and let them fall from the leg hole in your BVD’s. This should produce a beach ball effect. Now, proceed to straddle your date’s face and pummel her nose with your bag of marbles.
While having sex without a condom, you tell the girl to get off of you because you are about to go; however, she is also about to cum and keeps going. In order to avoid knocking her up, you scream “PULL” and thrust your hips upwards so the slut flies off of you. Then, with extreme cunning and aim, you bust your nut in her eye while she is still in mid-air.
After dropping a hefty shit on and around her chest, you position your ass just above your own pool of soup and sit in it, full weight, possibly causing her to gasp for breath. You then pretend to be pulling the whistle cord on a genuine Cleveland steam ship. As you make the loud noise, you slide in your spunk from her chest to her bush, smearing a spunk trail on her body in your wake. This can be done with the male facing either direction. The more authentic the steam whistle sound, the better.
A synonym for an unusually large clit, shaped like a little penis head or a thumb.
A synonym for one-handed reading material.
A man who won’t stop and ask for directions in bed. Used in a sentence: “Because of his fouled foreplay, Suzy realized that her new boyfriend was no experienced bedroom traveler, but merely a clitourist.”
While eating a girl out and her clit is erect, place your nose above it and snort it. It produces a wild orgasm if done correctly and at the precise time.
A male homosexual who hides his desires for other men.
The act of gangbanging a retard.
The act of filling your girl’s nose with the creamy white drug.
Chicks that exist only because of their dick-receiving abilities, and get immediately kicked out of your sight after you fill them with your load. Typically used to refer to sorority girls.
Apparently somewhat on the fringe in gay circles, but involves using thin, cylindrical items (thermometers, wire, rubber worms, etc.) and inserting them into the dick hole. Over many months, continue to gradually ream out the hole-at-the-head with larger items, thus ultimately allowing your “buddy” to obtain the goal of fucking your urethra. Wow!
Code Of Silence
Anytime you fuck a girl that’s so dirty or ugly, you rip off the used condom, gag her with it and tell her that you’ll kill her if she tells a soul what just happened between the two of you.
The act of vomiting directly onto some chick’s head while she’s performing fellatio. (Also known as Topeka Destroyer.)
The act of brushing your teeth with a big, fat cock.
The cum-dumpster at your local business establishment who gives it up to every employee. Thus, when it’s your turn, you’re dipping your pen in the company ink.
You meet a young lady at the bar. She tells you she has a boyfriend, but she ends up going home with you anyway for a one-night stand. When you take her to your place, tell your friends to wait outside your bedroom door. Just when she’s about to get off, your friends barge in the room and plainly beat the shit out of her. That should teach her not to fuck around. (Ladies, feel free to perform a Compton Gangbang on guys too. I know you’ve got some fat girlfriends to help you out.)
First, ejaculate all over the floor. Next, have your psycho bitch girlfriend menstruate on your semen. Stir it with your finger until you get a nice thick pink mixture. Proceed to paint yourselves up silly, just as if you were in kindergarten again.
Conflict Of Interest
While jerking off, you cut a monstrous fart that smells so bad, it “ruins the mood”. You either have to give up or sulk in your own stench.
Conquest Of El Salvador
Planting the flag of Spain in some filthy cockrat’s ass after you’ve finished filling her up with a bowl of dick for the first time, thus, claiming that land yours in the name of Spain!
When you take a girl home from the bar, thinking you’re going to get laid, but she passes out on the bed right before you get your pants off from all of the drinks you’ve been feeding her all night long. To get revenge, you jerk off and spray your load all over her back. Even though you lost and didn’t get laid, the satisfaction you got is almost as good, hence, the consolation prize.
The act of farting and sneezing simultaneously by accident. One question remains… do you excuse yourself or just laugh?
Cross your fingers, middle over index. Twist your wrist back and forth and go to work on your desired orifice. With practice, you’ll have the effectiveness of a dill press and within weeks you’ll be able to bore through wood.
While in the missionary position, you look deep into her eyes and whisper, “You make me feel special.” When she smiles, you proceed to stiffen up and scream “Dert, Dert, Dert” every time you thrust.
Originating from the fine campus of Cornell University comes this unique, rarely used term. Saying that a girl is “Corn” means, she is so fucking hot, so beautiful, so utterly drop-dead gorgeous, that you would happily eat the corn out of her shit. Can be used as a great pick-up line or friendly compliment (i.e. “Baby, you’re more Corn than Green Giant” or “Damn bitch, you ARE Corn!”).
According to legend, Puritan boys would go to the field after a nice rain when the ground was soft and wet. They would then find an ear of corn as close to the size of their tool as they could. After shoving the corn into the ground and pulling it out again, they had an instant, perfect-fit sperm receptacle. The boys would often catch hell from the tell-tale mud stains on the front of their trousers. It probably developed into the current meaning when George Washington was plugging Martha in the bunghole, pulled out and said, “Wow, looks like I just got done cornholing!”
Take a hot, burly beer shit between a girl’s tits. Make her smear it all around. Then, titty fuck her for a while. Soon, your dick will resemble a well-done corn dog. Then, have her suck off your big fat corn dog.
When you fill a small Ziploc sandwich bag with Crisco (or your favorite lubrication) and place it between the cushions on the couch. You then proceed to fuck the couch as if it were a woman… but no need to buy it dinner first.
This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty wombat and you know you’ve got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.
Yet another gay fad that occurs when both partners fuck each other up the wazoo and then squeal out a massive fart, thereby spraying their boy’s creme all over themselves.
Any hint of menstruation left on the floor, bed, back seat, etc. after hitting a hemorrhaging hogette.
A synonym for a girl who’s fat in the can.
The art of dropping ass on people as you weave through a crowded area.
Refers to a girl who has been around the block quite a few times. Can also refer to a quadriplegic whore.
Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch
The once in a lifetime act when blowing a hot steamy load down the back of the girl’s throat, proceed to give her a large cold bottle of your favorite carbonated drink and make her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends.
The art of trapping a fart by cupping your hand around your ass and throwing the flatulence in someone’s face.
While on the phone with your spouse, your secretary is giving you your morning blowjob under the desk.
Partner (A) is sucking off or eating out partner (B) who is sucking off or eating out partner (C) and so on until the final person is sucking off or eating out partner (A). Partners can be gay, lesbian, straight or bi.
A sexual maneuver in which you slip muscle relaxants into your gal’s snizzpod, then slide your head in, thus wearing your partner’s now-relaxed snatch-fur as a coonskin cap. Can come in handy on those cold winter nights.
Fucking the life out of your partner’s joy hole to the point of where you are literally killing it. Often used as a relief technique of built up aggressions.
When a girl takes the whole dick down her throat and has the courtesy to use her tongue to lick your ball sac. It’s called so because right after this happens, the next day you’re at DeBeers buying her diamond rings.
Definition Of Macho
Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
Definition Of Poor
You have to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.
The need to “recalibrate the gun” when the piss squirts out to the side instead of where you’re aiming. Typically occurs due to the fact that your cock had been clogged with post-cum from the in-and-out session the night before.
Girls with less than strong moral values (e.g. girls who don’t object to intimate relations after knowing the guy for less than one night).
When you eat out your 3-year-old sister and she lets loose. It’s so wrong, but it’s so right!
Give your favorite bitch the most painful anal sex of her life and then ask her to turn around. Just as she turns, surprise her with a low blow, a punch to her lower stomach as hard as you can. Once you land the blow, she will shit uncontrollably, flowing from her worn out asshole like a dirty fucking river. Just sit back and enjoy the show.
A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie-style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin shit mustache (or “shitstache” if you will). This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez.
Same as the Dirty Sanchez, except you give yourself the “shitstache”.
While boning a chick doggie style near a toilet (preferably one filled with a healthy load of shit, or some hot piss, or both), stick her head in the toilet and flush… she’ll dig it.
Distance Distortion Factor (DDF)
Refers to someone who may seem attractive from far away, but is ugly upon closer inspection (e.g. “good from far, but far from good”).
Disturbing The Piece
When a chick is giving really bad head.
While banging away without a nary concern for busting your baby batter inside of her, the phone rings, thus interrupting the fuck session. Although you are dismayed to realize that there is nobody on the other end of the phone, you understand that it is divine intervention, as it has stopped you from dropping your goo into your bitch’s baby hole and knocking her up. In gratitude for this helpful reminder, you finish up by having her give oral praise to your hog while you jam rosary-anal beads up her ass.
The mystical place into which old friends are sucked when a married couple splits up.
While munching her box, yank on her pubic hairs.
Make some whore sit in a room by herself with a robe on. In another room, spank it until you’re almost home. Just when you’re about to drop the jizz, run in and splooge in her ear, nose and throat. Then charge her $50 for the visit.
Dog In A Bathtub
This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl’s ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
For when you’re dating a girl who’s so fat that you have a hard time achieving climax. In order to help her lose weight, you throat fuck her until she’s really gagging. Then you place a bag in front of mouth for her to throw up in, race around the other side to fuck her doggy style, and think about how skinny she’ll so soon be as you shoot a giant wad up her sniz.
Quickly insert your hog in her poop-chute in mid-stride, thus causing her to produce a yelping sound similar to a dolphin’s squeal.
Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass, and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female’s ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate. (More effective if you can knock her out.)
Stick your finger in one hole and use the same finger for the other hole. The trick is to go back and forth, but be careful, not a lot of people like double dippers.
While receiving oral stimulation from an especially gifted female, your orgasm is so extraordinary that you actually drool on her face while covering it with your man juice. The two drips combine to give you the sexual version of basketball’s double dribble.
From the doggy-style position, you hook your pinky fingers in her mouth and pull her back in order to achieve deeper penetration.
When you can bang a chick in her asshole with such ease and room, you have to keep looking down because you can’t believe it’s not her pussy. Usually means death onto you if you’re unprotected. Also known as the “Kidding Me” because it makes you want to shout, “you’ve got to be kidding me that this is your asshole!”
The play in which, while in seated 69 position, the man inserts both index fingers into the vagina and both middle fingers into the anus followed by aggressively pulling outwards with both arms. Spitting in the anus, while optional, is encouraged for future maneuvers.
Dropping The Chalupa
Fill a sock with as many bodily excrements as you have available and whack some slut over the head with it. Best accomplished if it’s a surprise during some hot back-door action.
Drowning In The Rain
While hitting it from behind in the shower, you force her face all up in the shower spray so she can’t breathe.
Sets up great if your girl says, “I’m hungry.” Since you’re with her just to fuck her and not to feed her, ask her politely, “Have you ever had duck sausage?” When she says, “No, I don’t think I have,” reply, “Then duck, I’ve got some sausage for ya,” and grab a handful of hair. Chicks dig it!
Duct Tape Trick
Wrapping a hamster in duct tape so you can safely fuck it without the danger of a messy split.
Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by farting under the covers and pulling them over their head (and your’s as well if you’re into that sort of thing).
A relative of the Dutch Oven. Performed when receiving oral sex from a female, you unleash a heavy load of gas, making sure to hold her head down on your pole. CAUTION: If performed too often, it could cause irrepairable damage to the manhood, especially if the female has a “biting down” reaction.
The unexpected result of a Dutch Oven gone terribly awry. Can be very messy.
The abbreviation for “double-anal, double-vaginal”. This is the term used when a girl takes four cocks in two holes. A hardcore porn industry norm.
E.T. Phone Home
Next time you’ve got some dumb-ass fuck puppet ready to go, grab her purse and excuse yourself to the can while the drunken whore waits, lost in her own tangled bush. Get her mother’s (or husband’s) phone number from her purse while making fake shit noises. Flush the toilet for effect and then grab the cordless phone on the way back to bed. As soon as you find yourself stabbing her bucket with your Johnny, dial the number and hold the phone near her head with same hand your pulling hair with, and bang away. Make sure you mention her name and ask her things like, “Who’s the biggest whore in the world?” and “You like fat cocks up your dirt road don’t you?”. Then, throw the phone on the bed and tell her it’s for her. A nice topper to this maneuver is to take her money and throw her outside nude and lock the door. I like to threaten to kill her if I ever see her again. You might have your own closing. Have fun. Be creative.
Ecuadorian Clown Makeup
Sit next to an unsuspecting chick at a party and, using stealth and cunning, slip your hand down your pants. Proceed to cup your gonad sling until your hand is saturated in fresh nut sweat. Then, turn to the chick and ask her if she wants any of your Ecuadorian clown makeup. When she gives you a puzzled look, quickly remove your hand from your pants, paw her face like a lonely kitten, and scamper away laughing hysterically.
I do not wish this on anyone. Apparently, the story goes like this: After a night of drinking, a happy couple went to home to engage in some sex. While she was riding him ferociously, she accidentally came down upon his cock the wrong way and bent it in half with all her weight. He was promptly rushed to the hospital as his poor dick swelled to the size of an eggplant! Potential for this painful mishap can also occur while doing the High Dive and missing the hole.
While you and a friend are working a girl over together, get her down on all fours, with one of you in her mouth and the other going at it doggy style. From this position, give one another a mighty, two-handed high five, making a structure resembling the Eiffel tower.
Add a shot of non-dairy man cream to some yuppie’s favorite $4 cup of Starbucks latte. Make it a Mocha Ejaculatte by topping it off with some hot anal froth.
Your psycho bitch girlfriend decides she wants to try something kinky, so she props your stupid naive ass up in a chair, strips you down, and ties you up. After arousing you, she then takes a car battery and clamps two jumper cables to each nut sack. This causes you to have all sorts of synapses, spasms and convulsions. She then mounts your Frankenstein and proceeds to get electro-fucked. Warning! May cause erectile dysfunction after performed.
Same as a normal fart… but with juice running through it.
The act of drawing a smile on a woman’s face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously.
Pronounced “you-neks”, it is the post testes depression experienced when one regrets the voluntary castration of one’s testicles. It is usually followed by expressing the proverbial colloquialism, “FUCK!”
A position for oral sex where a woman sits on another person’s face to receive oral pleasure or to smother them.
While in a tight 69 with the girl on the bottom, sit up, plant your sphincter on her forehead, and rip a fart so big, it parts her hair.
When you fart so hard, a hemorrhoid starts bleeding.
Occurs when you get poison ivy and finger a girl.
After you have been sticking your babe in the can, bust your nut in her keister and then pucker your lips up to her rim and suck out your ranch dressing. A gay variation is when one fag fucks another fag in the ass and then sucks the jizz out with a straw. Only included for those of you who are considering going to jail.
The heterosexual in a group of homosexuals.
This consists of telling someone you’re going to spunk on their face while they are asleep, only half-jokingly, and then when they don’t believe you, doing it just to prove that you’re that demented.
From behind, you shove your finger in her ass, thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are doing. At that point, you have received a “Fish Eye.” Another interpretation is when you shove both fists in her ass (or his if in prison), thereupon, she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion signaling that she has been there and done that.
When you pull back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus.
A bad smelling vagina. (Also known as Skunkbox.)
The involuntary defecation that occurs after being fisted.
When taking a dump and boredom sets in, roll out a huge wad of toilet paper (10-15 squares) and, with your index and middle finger, shove one end into your ass until you reach knuckle. Then, let the other end hang down into the murky water below. Yell, “Hike,” and flush the toilet. The play is over when the “flag” is yanked out of the grasp of your sphincter. Repeat until you score a touchdown (when you’re able to hold the flag in your ass after the toilet finishes flushing).
Going down on a girl who is in the brown stage of her rag and coming up with flaky, stale left-overs stuck in your teeth.
This one’s for all you pyromaniacs out there. When you’re screwing some chick, right when you’re about to cum, pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter. Then, set her pubes on fire and extinguish the flames with your jizz!
A less painful variation of the Samoan Pile Driver when a woman’s back is resting against the side of the bed and she is upside down. The man stands above the woman and points his gig due south, simply bending his knees for repeated stroking.
Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.
Flooding The Cave
Inserting the penis into a woman’s pussy and then urinating inside her. Applies to butt pirates as well.
The fluid produced in a girl’s mouth after sucking a cock that has just been pulled out of an asshole.
A person who performs oral sex, as employment, on an actor that has lost an erection during a porn or photo shoot.
A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a class move.
This didn’t used to be a specific deviant sexual act; it was just a phrase that sounded dirty and would be shouted out during intercourse on occasion simply for the novelty factor. However, its popularity increased and it has now developed into a specific act, namely that of, just as you are about to blow a load, in any sort of sexual situation (even masturbation for those true pioneers who are constantly on the cutting edge of the sexual revolution) you begin to shout, “Here comes the Flying Dutchman!” This should confuse your sexual partner (or whoever is in hearing range) completely, sometimes causing interesting side effects.
Stretching your scrotum and balls over a person’s face and laying your penis on their forehead, resembling a flying squirrel with its arms spread. Done properly, this will cover the person’s mouth and nose completely. To create a good suction, make sure your balls are warm before proceeding. Injury can occur if the person was sleeping and wakes up being suffocated by your massive nuts and sac.
The act of spilling the man milkshake on the glasses of some four-eyed filthy.
Closely related to Gambling & Losing, but instead, you shit your pants on purpose.
A person who bites the bubbles after releasing a good healthy fart in the tub. Can be quite disturbing if done with a partner.
Force-Feed The Seed
Your woman is sucking you off and you’re going to blow your load down her throat, something she obviously doesn’t enjoy. First, you warn her of the eruption. As she tries to slide off, clamp your thighs around her head and plug her nose. Either she will have the option of swallowing it all or passing out (her choice really).
This maneuver is intended to teach fledgling hookers to swallow what you give ’em. If after a sensational round of knob-slobbing, the slut prevents you from depositing your wealth in her mouth, quickly take your knee to her jaw. Your new lucky number is equal to the amount of teeth you knock out. Confucius would be proud.
Fountain Of You
While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before you release and spew like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed.)
Fucking or getting fucked during the peak of your genital herpes flare up. So named because while you’re fucking, it’s a bumpy ride.
Francois Papillion Arch
This is a maneuver that must be demonstrated in person and is pretty fucking hardcore. You basically pummel a girl doggy-style and arch your back while peeling the orange (her ass) and grabbing your right butt cheek and peeling your own orange. Most crack up while performing this act. The best time to do it is when there is like a ten foot mirror in the bedroom; it just adds this a special Spice Channel feel to the whole thing.
Occurs when you’ve worked up such a throbber, that when some girl unzips your pants to give you a hummer, you spring forth and poke her eye out harpoon-style.
After discovering your girlfriend is cheating on you, arrange a romantic encounter for that evening. Prior to her arrival, jerk off ferociously five or six times, making an erection impossible. She will begin to blow you, and her failure to charm the old snake will only make her slobber much more intensely. Now, scream out the name of the dude she’s been banging as you fill her mouth with pee.
Shitting in your pants while farting. Farting is what you are doing, but shitting is your subconscious wants.
A term used to describe the rubbing of two people, without penetration, for sexual pleasure.
The fetish of rubbing up against an unsuspecting/unwilling person.
The act of tucking peter and the kids between your legs, only to spin around and plop the package in an unsuspecting person’s face.
The act of gang-raping a comatose person or a person in a vegetable state. This is not real sex, according to most necrophiliacs.
Having more than one venereal disease at the same time.
When a man or woman performs cunnilingus on a woman and she farts directly in their face.
Pronounced “foo-pa”, it is the acronym for “Fat Upper Pussy Area”. It’s the nasty gut/potbelly in the lower abdominal area of a woman. This term has a more derogatory affect when applied to younger women, since it is far less appealing when seen on them. (Also known as Gunt.)
You’re chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie’s afro, and a mammoth hair ball gets lodged into your throat, forcing you to beat the living shit out of her.
Gambled & Lost
While trying to fart, you accidentally shit your pants. An unfortunate, common and highly secretive occurance. (Also known as Draw Mud.)
Game Of Smiles
This game involves men sitting around a circular table and a woman giving random blowjobs underneath the table. Anyone who smiles has to buy a round of beer for the rest.
Going to only one knuckle during an anal probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle-ball pitcher proud and use multiple knuckles on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of 2 knuckles required (either on one finger or on multiple).
First, tie a raw piece of bacon to a string. The person getting fucked in the ass swallows it while the person riding holds the string. At the moment of climax, the pitcher pulls the string, causing the catcher’s gag reflex to kick in, triggering the ass muscle to automatically clench up tight.
Glass Bottom Boat
Take a clear, glass plate and place it on your partners face, then shit on it. It gives them a nice view without all the messy cleanup. How come you don’t see that on any Dawn commercials? (Also known as Plating or Texas Hot Plate.)
The act of taking a girl in the ass, pulling out, and spewing all over her “pastry buns,” thus transforming her rump into the illusion of an oversized, quivering glazed donut. (Also known as Cop’s Delight or Hot Cross Buns.)
A hole in a wall allowing anonymous oral sex or sex between people on either side. Also can be used to describe a hole through the wall which one can spy on another.
With two hands, spread your tramp’s anus open, then spit a big-ass loogie down the asshole then close it back up. You can give her a smack on the ass when you’re done, if you want.
Going To The Bullpen
The act of fingering the anus prior to having anal sex. It kind of “paves the way”.
Any form of dropping piss all over your partner. Great for those who like water sports. (Also known as Watersports.)
One of the many wives had by an old-style Mormon who is not the main wife. The setup usually involves having your one “main” wife and the rest of your other wives who are strictly used for procreation. Hence, “Goobin” – a bin for his goo.
To press your finger into the cleavage of the buttocks.
Cum all over your favorite tart’s face and then rip off a handful of your own pubic hair and throw it all over her face.
The act of using your “glue stick” (if you know what I’m saying) and gluing your gal’s eyes closed with your man seed. (e.g. “Hey guys, check it out, I just greeked her!” or “Sorry honey, but you asked for the Greek salad.”)
The area between the back of the scotum and the anus. (Also known as Scranus, Chode, Choda or Taint.)
This is a unique sequence of events named after a town in Sweden, where this apparently happens quite frequently. After dumping your spunk in her rear, the sauce is sucked out of the anus by the male. Once the sauce has transferred from her ass to your mouth, the product that has been created is now known as “Swedish Cheese.” The move is completed when the “Swedish Cheese” is transferred to the woman’s mouth via a deep tongue kiss. You can cap this off with a swift stinging slap of her ass to show her how much you care and appreciate all her hard work.
Ham And Cheese Sandwich
Eating a woman’s box after you ejaculate all over it. A delightful, tasty combination of her yummy meat curtains with your added cheesy topping is sure to appeal to anyone’s appetite.
A large penis allegedly developed through masturbation.
When plugging your girl in the ass, you run into some hot diarrhea. Don’t hurt her feelings by getting grossed out though, just pretend it’s extra lube.
The skill of pulling your Johnson all the way out of your partner’s hole and in one motion jamming it home again. Best suited for use in the corn hole, but can be very dangerous (see The Eggplant).
When some slut is so bad at oral sex, you’re forced to cry “Oh, the humanity!” as her teeth scrape your man tool.
A very popular European variation of The Dirty Sanchez which involves a simple shit smudge under her nose, replicating the look of Hitler’s mustache.
While intoxicated, high, or just plain desperate, you go searching for the fattest bitch you can find and proceed to ride her like a Harley. Best accomplished with large groups friends.
Hole In One
The act of sticking your dick in your own ass. Just try not to get a huge boner once it’s in, or you’ll get a nice snap-a-roo (see The Eggplant).
Hotdog In A Hallway
When laying the pipe, you realize your dick isn’t even touching the walls of her vagina, kind of like tossing a hotdog in a hallway. Most frequently happens when banging the neighborhood trick or if you’re slinging a small dick. (Also known as Throwing A Pickle Down A Hallway. Used in a sentence: “I may as well have just thrown a pickle down the hallway instead of fucking Fat Fanny’s loose gash.”)
A simple maneuver where you withdraw your shaft from the depths of her anus and place it directly into her mouth for a cleaning. Apparently, some guy named Karl first tried this.
Hot Karl Candy Cane
A variation of the above in which the man who is receiving the oral cock cleaning gives the woman a reach around.
The result of defecating a tube of shit directly into a girl’s mouth. She then becomes what is known as the “Lunch Lady.”
Going at it doggy-style until you are just about to cum, then pull out and spit on her back so she thinks that you did. When she turns around, a blast is unleashed into her face and she is left shocked and amazed, wondering how you made another shot magically appear.
The well known added variation to a blowjob in which a broad hums her favorite tune while she sucks away. The vibrations felt against your dick will most definitely produce a healthy orgasm.
You and your partner defecate while 69ing. Pretty much self-explanatory.
Indian Cock Burn
While a chick sucks you off, she twists her hand around your shaft as if she was trying to give you an Indian burn.
An S&M sexual activity where an adult takes the role of an infant, such as wearing baby clothes, sucking on pacifiers, etc.
An establishment where girls provide private dances to customers. Typically, the customer is told they may pleasure themselves, but not ask for or expect sexual favors from the dancer.
Jedi Mind Trick
When banging your partner, you repeatedly shout “I’m NOT fucking you, I’m NOT fucking you”.
A synonym for female masturbation.
When you fist someone and physically lift them off the ground. (Also known as The Muppet, The Ass Puppet or The Meat Puppet.)
Juanita Special Bean Dip
While your tramp rides you like a mechanical bull, insert your thumb into her poop chute (be sure to get your thumb nice and gooey), then stick your brown thumb into her mouth, and slip it under her tongue so she can get the full robust taste of the Juanita “special” bean dip.
The act of covertly filling your cheeks with chunky-style New England clam chowder, and screaming in disgust as you hurl it between your partners legs while eating her out.
The act of receiving sexual pleasure from repeatedly getting kicked in the ass.
A trick used for those bored with conventional masturbation. Cut the head off a banana and carefully scoop out the banana insides with a sundae spoon, making sure you do not break the peel. Fill the peel with water and microwave for no more than 5 seconds. Pour out the water, insert cock, and start fucking. Gives new meaning to spanking the monkey.
A synonym for the foreskin of the penis.
The woman braces herself facing a wall, naked, hands against the wall, legs spread, bent over so that her ass is lusciously jutting out. (hint: she might want to wear a biking helmet and some rollerblading wrist guards to avoid serious injury.) Next, the guy also naked as well as stiff cocked, walks to the opposite end of the room, places his palms together and raises them above his head, (thus imitating the dorsal fin of a shark) and begins chanting the theme to Jaws. When given some predetermined signal, the guy sprints toward the girl at full speed with his pelvis-out, fin protruding, and rams her dead square in the ass.
Dollops of semen strategically left in a woman’s hair at a public gathering following fellatio. A good lesson for those who refuse to swallow the evidence.
Obviously, this one is for the ladies. When engaging in some hard core booty sex, squeeze your butt cheeks together as tight as you can, and start violently jumping and thrashing your ass around, in an effort to rip his dick off. (To reach true Lorena status, you must take the severed dick for a drive and then toss it out the window.)
A word with ficticious meaning used by guys to sleep with girls.
A synonym for cum, sometimes called this because of it’s similar qualities to New England Clam Chowder.
The leftover cum stains on the bed sheets that turn to a crusty powder after drying.
The act of tucking your limp penis between your legs, thus imitating a woman’s genetalia. (Also known as Dussy.)
A synonym for a man who acts effeminately.
A reference to whether or not a woman’s pubic hair color matches the hair on her head. Used in a sentence: “Wow, what a hot looking redhead, but I wonder… do the curtains match the drapes?”.
A sex session in the afternoon.
The act of getting head from a woman who just moments earlier ate numerous amounts of menthol cough drops, thus insuring a pleasurable, tingly feeling on your cock.
Head-butting a woman’s big fat titties. Always lots of fun.
When you are going doggy-style on a girl, you give her a Donkey Punch. Then, while she is stunned, you reach into her anus and pull out her large intestine, string it around her neck, and strangle her to the point of passing out. Her passing out causes a tightening of the vaginal area to enhance your pleasure?!?
When some sadistic bitch takes your dick back between your legs and sucks you off.
When you and your partner connect each other’s assholes with a tube, and one defecates through the tube, thus transferring the turds to the rectum of the other. (Also known as Trading Jakes.)
A chick that’s a fun ride until your friends see you on it, if you know what I mean.
Made famous by Robin Williams on Mork & Mindy. Stick your pinky and ring fingers up a girls ass, then jam your middle and index fingers up her cunt. (Please note: Not complete until you finish it off with a Nanoo-Nanoo!)
A man who enjoys going down on a woman during her period. Derived from the Biblical figure Moses, who parted the Red Sea.
While performing oral sex on a girl, flap your lips together on her clit, thus imitating the sound of a motorboat. She’ll love you forever.
Finger, suck, eat, etc. a girl until she is begging for it. Then rub your stiffy round her golden valley until she screams at you to give her a banging. Right when her frustration is at its highest level, stop and finish with a DIY (do it yourself) handjob. Then leave the room without saying a word. Not to be tried if you want to shack up with the selfish bitch again.
Obtain a female that has been dead for 2-3 days (the time period since death is important). Then place your mouth just outside her vaginal opening. Have a friend jump on her stomach, and try to catch as much stuff that comes out as you can in your mouth.
The stuff that runs out the twat of a very pregnant girl who has been beaten on the swollen belly.
The mark that is left a couple of days after receiving a particularly firm Roscoe.
This is actually a very fun game. Just choose a piece of food that you and your male friends like to eat. Then you and your buddies form a tight circle around the food item and proceed to jerk off all over it. Last one to bust a nut gets the prize of eating the food. (Also known as Ooky Cookie.)
A term used when people manually stimulate each other.
Female version of the Blumpy where the man is eating out the woman while she is on the crapper.
My Country Blumpkin
A variation of the Blumpy where a sweet, young country gal with freckles and pigtails is sucking you off while you are taking a shit in an outhouse and pissing in her mouth.
New Jersey Meathook
A variation of the Fishhook which involves sticking your uninvited digit in the girl’s anus while fucking her from behind. Your finger is then turned upward toward her back and you pull her entire body toward you over and over while she is sliding on your cock.
New Orleans Street Cleaner
One female fellates a standing male whilst another female is positioned below said male’s asshole and receiving a colon cleansing shit on her forehead.
New York Style Taco
Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down on your girl, you barf on her box. Happy trails. (Also known as a Wet Betsy.)
A variation of the Bullwinkle in which you give two peace signs as your signal of dominance. May enhance the act by shaking jowls and yelling, “I’m not a crook.” This is considered very bold and is frowned upon for those with a modicum of decorum.
Bust a nut in your girl’s left nostil and have her blow it out her right nostril. It’s like a neti pot but with a different salty solution.
When banging a chick missionary, put her heels on your shoulders. Then, move in and out in a motion that closely resembles the oil pumps the have out in the oil fields of Texas or in the Middle East. When you are about blow your load, shout something like “We struck oil!” or “She’s gonna blow!” and spew your milky white oil all over the place. Definite bonus if you use motor oil as lube.
Oven Stuffed Roaster
The unusual method of inserting your finger in the ass of your girl while screwing her and feeling her cervix. This procedure is most effective from behind.
A derivation of the tea bag which is accomplished by numbing one’s testicles with ice and then inserting them in a chick’s mouth and letting the tramp munch on them.
When your lady is being a real bitch about not wanting to swallow your load while she is sucking you off, show her some manners by pulling out, jerking off in your hand and slapping her across the face. For extra fun, grab a bottle of chocolate syrup and squirt it in her eye.
This happens when you leave a windy shit between the breasts of a woman while you straddle her neck for a blowjob. (A close cousin to the Cleveland Steamer. Also known as Hawaiian Muscle Fuck.)
Get your favorite pasta (spaghetti, angel hair, etc.). While you’re eating her out, get her really wet. Then, start shoving the hard pasta up in her. Keep getting the pasta wet, and it will soon soften to the point of edibility. Enjoy!
Fucking a girl with a red white and blue popsicle and then eating it.
While you’re nailing some girl doggie style and your friend is catching some head off the same girl, you get a quick game of Pattycake going. This makes you reminisce of your childhood memories and eases the sight of watching your friend blow his load.
Paying The Rent
A position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above her shoulders, while the man holds the back of her calves and bangs ferociously. (Also known as Driving It Home.)
Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich
Shit on a woman’s snatch during menstruation. Proceed to munch. Mmmm, mmmm, nasty! (Crunchy or smooth…depending on what you’ve been eating.)
A synonym for someone who performs oral sex on another’s penis.
Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl – it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry. Fuck that diamonds are forever shit.
A chick who gives a rough and toothy blowjob.
Inserting a small rodent, such as a mouse or hampster, in the anal cavity.
While you’re plugging some girl’s hole doggie style (up the dirt road or the funhole, pick your poison), she’s blowing your best friend’s cock at the same time, hence simulating a pig on a spit. (Very Similar to Chinese Finger Cuffs.)
Pinch-Putt Mud Flaps
A variation of The Rusty Trombone where the man gives the woman a reach around and tugs on her beef curtains while he is eating her ass from behind. Best performed while she is standing.
This frequently happens during a marathon session (maybe a second round) when a girl is simply not wet enough. When you give up and attempt to pull out to give her the money or whatever, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog like the inside of a leather glove.
The act of farting while getting your ass licked, thus opening the hole so that the licker can jam their tongue the maximum distance into your sphincter. (Also known as Pink Sleeve.)
While fucking your girl in the ass, you strike a hefty load of shit. After you’ve found this buried treasure deep in her booty, you scream out “Argh!” like a pirate.
The act of masturbating while your hands are in your pockets.
Originated by the ancient Romans. When the female has sucked your pole to the point of ejaculation, she swiftly inserts her index finger into your anus. This surprise causes a subtle popping out of the eyes, a natural arch to the lower back and extra propulsion necessary to clear the high bar. Bruce Jenner added this to his warm-up routine after losing to Sergie Bubka in the 1979 Olympics.
If the lotion is all gone, shit in your hand instead and jerk yourself off with your shit lube.
First, take your girlfriend to the cinemas, for a nice romantic date. Buy a tub of popcorn, wait until the lights dim, and carefully make a hole in the bottom on the tub. Then, inconspicuously insert your penis through the bottom of the tub into the popcorn and casually offer some to your bitch. When she digs in, she will find a nice surprise. Who doesn’t love buttered popcorn?
A small amount of clear fluid, caused by sexual arousal, emitted by the penis before ejaculation. (Also known as Pre-cum.)
An erection that will not go down. Priapism is a condition that can last anywhere from 3 to 4 hours straight and can lead to permanent damage. Can occur with the abuse of cocaine.
The name given to a girl who can knob the dick and suck the balls of a guy at the same time.
Puerto Rican Fog Bank
While 69ing with your partner, release a cloud of sphincter fog directly into her nostrils.
This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression resembling a purple mushroom.
A well known, but sometimes embarrassing occurrence. Queefing happens when air gets trapped in a girl’s vagina and makes a soft hissing or farting kind of a sound while that air is released.
A vaginal projectile, propelled by the force of a particularly powerful queef. Usually a crusted remnant of a womans most recent ovulation, or perhaps the hardened remains of a particularly impressive ejaculation. Most commonly produced by only the skankiest of women with the most questionable of hygenic habits. Sometimes used as a colorful insult.
When attacking from behind, you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy in those lulls in penile sensitivity.
Reading The Defense
The concept of a guy making a split second decision when in a situation to score with some chick when out without his girlfriend/wife. “Reading the Defense” refers to making all of the proper “game time adjustments” not to get caught cheating later on at some point.
An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (while both partners are standing), make sure you don’t let her grab on to anything when she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside so that you end up pushing her forwards. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It’s almost as much fun watch her face hit the floor. You rise to Admiral status when you can bang her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.
For those environmentally minded who crusade to protect the planet’s precious fluids. The male masturbates, catching his ejaculate in a cup (glass works best). Then, in a heroic attempt to not waste sperm, semen and the other fluids/energy required to generate these products, the male drinks his love juice down, thus ensuring the longevity of his lineage.
Another name for navigating the moose knuckle with your tongue while discovering the girl is on her rag. Be a real man and earn your red wings soldier! (Also known as Angel Kiss.)
When a girl is asleep, carefully open her mouth so that she doesn’t awake. Then, squat over her face and carefully place your shit hole on her lips. When the time is right, you let rip the biggest baddest fart ever known to man and see if it wakes her up. Great fun during those long sleepless nights.
The act of cramming your shit back into your ass and shitting it out again.
A sexual position executed by the woman where she is riding the man’s penis while he is lying flat and she is facing the man’s feet.
The act of tonguing another’s asshole.
When getting your girl from behind, you toss the sleeper hold on her and knock her out Rowdy Roddy Piper style. While nailing your unconscious victim, you get to simulate your life long dream of necrophilia. Now you never have to break into the morgue again.
This one calls for some preparation and teamwork to be successful. Go to a bar with eight of your closest friends. Find the fattest, nastiest girl in the bar. Get her shitfaced and take her home. Before you get there, have your friends dress up as rodeo clowns and hide in the closets. Once you’re fucking her, get on top and break out a stopwatch. Once you yell, “RODEO!” start the timer. All your rodeo clowns burst out on cue and start jumping around screaming and taking snapshots. The test is to see how long you can stay on top of the bucking beast or how many pictures can be taken.
Make a fist with both hands and place them together, knuckles in. Now extend your thumbs, pointer fingers, and pinkies straight up. Then, insert your pointer fingers into the girl’s pussy and your pinkies in her ass. Now rest your chin on your thumbs with your nose in between your pointer fingers.
To beat another with one’s penis. (Also known as Hodging.)
Seductively brush a beautiful long stem red rose against your sweetheart’s neck, breasts, and inner thigh. Slowly rub the rose along her smooth skin as you tenderly kiss her entire body. After working her into the mood for some deep love making, unzip your fly and pull out your raging boner. Begin to punish-fuck her dumper while whipping her with the rose and screaming nasty obscenities at her. (I bet the bitch never saw that coming!)
A synonym for titty fucking.
This is what happens when you’ve got a less than respectable female tongue deep in your chute from behind while you’re standing. She wiggles her tongue as she does the reach around to pump you like a Catholic priest doing an Alter Boy, thus mimicking a trombone player.
Samoan Pile Driver
This is for all you sadistic-masochistic wrestling fans out there. This sexual position occurs when you pile drive your partner while receiving head. This process is repeated while screaming, “ABDAY ABDAY ABDAY, HA!” Repeat and Rinse.
San Diego Surprise
The act of bringing a girl home and while fucking her, having a friend in waiting enter the room naked in hopes of a consensual threesome. Named by Navy guys stationed in San Diego. Rumored to work about one third of the time.
Under an assumed name in a tropical region, you meet a young hottie and engage in the well known cliche of sex on the beach. Just before insertion, remove the rubber (without getting caught of course), and proceed to bang away until you blow your load, without pulling out. As you dismount and prepare for departure, grab a handful of sand, throw it in her eyes, and run away laughing hysterically while leaving her blinded, butt-naked and knocked up. Especially lots of fun when accomplished during the spring break season. Works best along with the aid of your old friends Ruphenol or Liquid G.
The unfortunate occurrence for a male due to a practice of dry fucking in blue jeans sans undergarments. One of the most feared of all sexual accidents.
When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.
Used when referring to a sailor as a sexual object.
While one fag straddles his partners cock, he receives a blowjob from the fruitcake on the bottom.
Pour a can of 7-Up on a girl’s menstruating pussy and eat her out.
Shocker (or Love Gun)
When you insert your index and middle fingers in the woman’s vagina and pinky in her anus. After giving her a few good minutes of double duty finger banging, pull your fingers out and give your index and middle finger a quick sniff and pinky a good sucking, all in one smooth motion. (This final move is known as “Smoking The Pinky”.)
When a dirty, talented tramp stuffs your entire package (balls and all) into her mouth, and blows you with amazing suction power. (Also known as Fruit Basket or Silence Of The Lambs.)
The term for licking or sucking your partner’s toes. Named so because the toes look like baby shrimp.
Have that hooker bitch stand on her head and stick your thumb in her ass along with your index and middle finger in her puss. Curl your fingers so you can feel them against each other and pull up, thus trying to carry her like a six pack. It helps to have her drink a six pack before performing the six pack.
While facing in the same direction, a girl gets between two guys and jerks them both off, thus imitating some hardcore cross-country action.
Slap Happy Sac
While your getting your double team on, one of you is getting her in the pooper and the other is going al’natural in the puss. Due to the close proximity of the pooper and the puss, you and your friends’ balls may slap together, thus causing an arousing or appalling reaction dependent on your true sexuality. A great activity for bisexual men.
Basically the same concept as the Dirty Sanchez. Instead of shit, get your finger all bloody (she has to be on the rag) and she won’t know anything is wrong until the morning when she awakes with a crusty dry-blood moustache.
When a professional athlete finds the dirtiest, nastiest, fattest, most disease-ridden skank and puts the wood to her with the intent that it will break up a slump.
A white, cheesy substance that collects under the foreskin of the penis and under the hood of the clitoris.
A derogatory term. Used in a sentence: “Your mother has sex with pigs so frequently that her underpants smell of smokey bacon. Furthermore, the pigs must be blindfolded in order to obtain an erection.”
The act of moving your anal lovers’ turds about within his/her lower intestine with your dick. Really popular with the lavender boys, hence the expression, “Oh Lance, Nergle me you Snerd…”
When an uncircumcised homo pulls his extra foreskin over the cock of another homo and proceeds to jerk him off. Those gays have way too much free time. Can be used at as a great derogatory term as in, “You Snoodler!”
Ah yes, every man’s worst nightmare, the dreaded snowball. This happens when a girl sucks you off and spits the jizz in your mouth. Another version is when a girl blows some other guy, and then gives you a hot sloppy kiss with some of that guy’s fresh jizz still in her mouth. With all those dirty broads out there, odds are it has happened to you. Just ask your friends if it has, cause they probably already know and have been laughing their asses off at you. (If you’re afraid to ask your friends because of the ridicule you might be subjected to, you may want to perform the Snowball Test. This simple test consists of asking to drink from your friends glass. If your friend says no with a look of gut-wrenching fear in his eyes, without a doubt you’ve been Snowballed.) The “porn” variation is when a guy is with two girls. He jizzes in one of their mouths, and then she swaps it back and forth with the other girl.
When plugging a girl from behind while she’s on all fours, reach around and swiftly sweep her arms out from under her so she falls on her face.
Lovingly fuck the shit out of your virgin or ragging girlfriend and wipe your bloody member across her face. Take a couple Polaroids, show them to your friends, and brag that you’re a snuff film superstar.
Most frequently occurs when an overzealous (drunk) man is involved in intercourse with his lady friend. Through lack of concentration, lack of coordination, or simply because he wants to do it, the man quickly switches from the woman’s vagina to the corn hole, without missing a beat. If executed properly, this act catches the female by complete surprise, stunning her like a cattle prod to the ass in a rain storm. No matter how long the man reaps the benefits of his efforts, he can now be content with the fact that he has committed the coveted Southern Trespass.
The act of defecating directly into a chick’s vagina. Much like a space ship attempting to dock to a space station, this maneuver involves very accurate control and near-perfect alignment of the two orifices.
Drilling a hole in some poor unsuspecting soul’s skull and fucking it. The name is derived from the “squick squick squick” noise it makes as you jam your willy into the mushy brains below. Works best on the recently dead or comatose.
Squirrel On A Trampoline
The act of spreading out your scrotum to form a flat surface like a trampoline and then bouncing your flacid penis on it.
A synonym for a group of prostitutes managed by a pimp.
Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner with a hanging gob of loogie that you have spit at her ceiling, while you pull the covers over yourself. A variation of the Dutch Oven that can only be used away from one’s home field.
The act of sticking one’s pinky in another’s anus.
Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, giving you the feeling of a hand job from someone else.
Stranger On The Rocks
Numbing your hand by sticking it in a bucket of ice and then jerking off. (Spanken, not stirred.)
Strangers In The Night
When you and your gay buddy each numb your hand (you should know how by now) and spank each other off. Thus, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else, from someone else.
Give some skank a facial and follow it up with a swift pimp crack to the nose. The resulting blood and jizz that covers her face will bear a resemblance to a slice of mom’s homemade strawberry shortcake.
When a chick isn’t worth fucking, pull down her pants, bend her over, and jerk off all over her ass.
Anytime you unknowingly get slipped a mickey in your drink and then wake up with a 200+ lb. fat-beast hog-bitch riding your cock.
Sud N’ Fud
When trying to bang a girl, she gives that same old story: “I’m not that kind of girl”, “I don’t fuck on the first date”, “I’m catholic”, “Stop asshole”, etc. etc… After hearing all this bullshit, you whip out your handy bar of soap. Then, lather up her armpit (or any other joint you prefer), and proceed to fuck that instead.
This happens when you nail a fat woman. As you watch the rippling effect of her rolls with every thrust, along with the feeling of being drenched, off balance, out of control and in danger, you are given the sense of riding the ultimate wave.
The greasy feeling that your ass gets after farting all day long and almost shitting in your pants. (Also known as Baboon Ass or Crisco Ass.)
When a girl is giving you a good sucking and right before you erupt, you remove yourself from her mouth, place your purple head in her ear, and fill her ear with some sweet love seed. Hopefully, you will give her an ear infection.
A synonym for a bi-sexual.
To perform the tea bag, have the girl lay flat on her back. Then, you squat over her with your hands on your knees, and gently dip your balls in and out of her mouth, similar to a tea bag in a cup of hot water. An old favorite.
Basically plug every orifice of a girl in the following manner: thumb in ass, fingers in pussy, and dick in mouth.
Anytime you got three women laid out on your bed begging for some hot muff action. Happens all the time to men in the Miami club scene. Requires much patience.
Times Square Shuttle
You have two girls with you and they are in the 69 position with each other. You then alternately fuck each of them while they chow each other. You go from the missionary position on one and run to the other side and work in doggie style on the other one. Repeat as many times as necessary/possible. (Also known as Burning The Candle At Both Ends, Playing Ping Pong or The Gunga Din.)
When you eat out someone who doesn’t have pubic hair yet, hence, you got there before the hair (hare) did.
A common prison act where one person basically chows asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available (i.e. jelly, syrup, olive oil, etc.). Often used as payment for drugs in jail. I’m never going to prison.
A synonym for thin pussy lips.
When getting your asshole eaten out by a worthless tramp, you break wind.
You’re down on a chick, lapping away at an unusually juicy slab, when you discover that it just happens to be the time of the month. A man of honor, by no means do you stop. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face. (This only works with chicks who really cum hard.)
When three guys are triple-teaming a chick: one with his penis in her mouth, another in her vagina, and the third in her anus. So named because she is sealed air-tight.
While you are 69’ing a girl, shove your dick into her mouth real hard and watch her asshole “twinkle” as she gags on your member.
Have your dominatrix girlfriend dress up in some hot black leather gimp wear and proceed to handcuff your hands behind your back and then force you to your knees. Unsuspecting, diminutive and cradled over with your ass in the air, she then gives you the most erotic enema of your life. Now that’s some great S&M fun.
A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with the woman’s nipples with one hand and her clit with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing an upright bass (but the sound produced is slightly different).
The pleasure that is experienced by watching someone urinate.
The act of pinching shut (with thumb and forefinger) a woman’s nose while receiving fellatio. Most effective when employed just prior to the release point due to the gag reflex and ensuing swallow that the woman is forced to do to continue breathing. A great first date ploy, as it sets the stage for what the rules of engagement will be going forward.
Vegetarian Hot Lunch
A variation of the Hot Lunch in which the diner stretches a piece of saran wrap over her mouth such that chewing (for texture) is possible, but no actual contact with waste product occurs. (Also known as Dental Dam.)
This term is used for a dominatrix that specializes in making their partners vomit.
Wake Up Call
Waking up in the middle of the night with the hard on of your life, you then turn to your fast asleep partner and dry fuck her ass into oblivion. The clincher to performing a Wake Up Call is to act like nothing of the sort happened in the morning. (e.g. “Sweetheart, what’s that on your back?”)
After spunking in a girl’s mouth, vigorously shake black pepper in her nose. Right before she sneezes, pinch the center of her lips together and hold her nose. This will force the cum to shoot out of the sides of her mouth and dibble down her face, thus resembling the teeth of a walrus.
When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use, hence, western.
Same as the eastside glaze, but the majority of your jizz lands on the left side of her face.
Named after the rice-based Mexican drink. Simply spooge into a glass, add milk and rum, stir to perfection, then have your favorite slut slurp up the smoothness.
The all time classic maneuver of tapping your cock on a chick’s forehead and uttering the timeless phrase “Who’s Your Daddy?” while she is sucking on your balls.
While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those “pretty little eyes” when you blow your load. Then, just when you’re ready to spew a good week’s worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched and moaning like the walking dead.
A term used for having sexual activity or interest in animals.